Body Battle

My body and I are in a struggle right now. It's not life or death, it's more like which lane to drive in. Kinda.

Basically, I don't feel much like eating. If it's a popsicle or some ice cream, I'd eat it, but I don't feel like going out and getting food. I have salad stuff, bread, butter PB, eggs. I'm out of milk and berries. So I do have food, but it's food that doesn't spark any craving or interest in me. Part of me knows I should eat something, for many reasons, such as not throwing my body into famine mode. But my body isn't particularly sending me any hunger messages and I'm just not interested. It's been a very long time since I've had this response to stress and anxiety. It beats eating a half-gallon of ice cream in one sitting! (I did that after my cat died.)

My mind is suggesting things like going out and getting some fast food, including a dessert. It might slide past my "I don't feel like eating" stance and it should definitely bump my body out of feelings of famine. But I'd need to keep giving it sufficient calories to keep that state going.

I've lost a little weight, but part of it is a loss of muscle mass because I'm so sedentary. When I go off to deal with the Estate next week, there will be plenty of exercise involved. Packing and unpacking boxes, lifting and putting down. And there are hills and a beach just made for walking on. Perhaps if I'm moving around I will feel hungry.

I haven't yet decided what to do tonight. I don't think the dark chocolate with chili bar has sufficient calories and I can only eat a square or two at a time anyway, which is why I bought it. I'm giving more thought to driving to some fast food place, maybe Wendy's because they have a pretty good fish sandwich and I could get by without ever going to a McDonald's again. I haven't eaten beef in well over a year, so having a hamburger would just give me a stomach ache. And I don't want to go out to eat; tonight I'm not up to doing so alone.

If only I weren't so bored by Chik fil A — they are the closest fast food place. Their real milk shakes and their lemon pie are awesome, but the food just makes me yawn now.

I can put together a basic salad — nothing special — but there aren't many calories in that. And my mind-body thing is saying "ho hum". I could hard-boil a couple of eggs — my body isn't saying no to that. But it still isn't high in calories.

I think there is a very real business niche for dessert delivery. I would pay more to have ice cream or cake delivered to me in the evening so I don't have to get dressed and go out and get it myself. 

Still I sit here, battling with my body about whether or not to eat something and if so what. At least I'm losing some of that extra weight I put on!