Trauma work is hard. I find I've been avoiding it for days. Today I even took a three and a half hour nap, probably to avoid this. It's pretty late in the evening, but I started. And now I'm stepping away.
I still feel so much anger and pain. I know I told the therapist that I wanted to jump into the tough stuff so I could get thru things more quickly, but ow. Harder to start then I thought. I was so cocky. After everything, I can handle anything.
So I'm writing in my blog. Then I'm going to go play some little computer game.
My neck and head have gone all stiff. Yeah, I am really reacting to doing this work.
Now if only I could do some "work" that paid.
Good night. This is all I can handle tonight.
You were CONFIDENT, not the same as cocky. You have been taking care of everything and everyone for so long you were sure you could take care of this. And you can. Just not as quickly as perhaps you would have liked.
ReplyDeleteBecause it's hard it will be worth it. Once you first felt that old pain and anger, your subconscious KNEW it was working.
Good to rest. You have made a start, that first step is now behind you.
Julie
Four. In a row.
Ah, Julie. You have such a fine way of reframing things so they look better. It must be from all that stitchery-project framing! :)
ReplyDeleteIf I manage a post today, it will be all about depression. Yeah, I've hit clinical depression. Oh yeah, and my fridge is going out. I called the office and they said they'd send someone out. Still waiting on that. Oh well. Tomorrow could be better.