I wanna walk like you, talk like you

I've been singing lately. Well, I often do. The latest song that keeps coming to mind is from The Jungle Book (Disney animated, many years ago).

Oh I'm the King of the Swingers

The Jungle VIP

I want to be a man like you

and that's what's botherin' me.

Oh you-u-u

I wanna be like you-u-u

I wanna walk like you, talk like you

....

And that's where my memory runs out. I like that the song is bouncy and energetic and silly. Those are qualities that I would associate with myself, if I were myself.

I want to get back to myself.

As a child, I was happy, cheerful. I was extremely bright and creative and was always creating something, whether it was doll clothes or stories or artwork. If I'd had LEGO, I would have been building things. I had a toy where you poured plastic liquid into molds and cooked them until hot; you could burn yourself, but you learned not to. And no, my parents did not supervise, even tho' I was only 8. I'm not sure if that was laziness on their part or trust that I could handle it. Same with my chemistry set when I was 12. Fun times!

I was fairly solitary as a child, unfortunately. There were no girls close to me in age in my neighborhood and the boys didn't always want to play with a girl, especially once my younger brother got older. Sure, he was lots younger than the other boys, but he was a genius when it came to sports, and I was pathetic. Who do you think they wanted to play with?

All my friends from school lived a fair distance away and no one arranged play dates back then. You were just stuck with whoever was nearby and if no one was nearby, you were out of luck. Except on those rare times when you could arrange an after school play time. Those were some of the most memorable times of my childhood.

I'm still unfortunately and involuntarily solitary. I guess it's just one of the curses of my life. But I want to get back to being able to occupy myself pleasurably, be creative, and able to play and be happy alone. I skated, ran, climbed all on my own. No reason I can't do that now. Once I get through the crap in my head that forms the brambles and walls separating who I've become from who I am and could be.

I wanna be like me.