I did not accomplish all that I planned, but I accomplished much of what I wanted today. Tomorrow I must be very focused and energetic to finish it all. But I have the time, before I go to bad, exhausted and surrendering in the struggle against the mosquito bites: I've put stuff on them (Campho Phenique), I've put bandages over that. Some I haven't managed to bandage (try putting bandages on YOUR scapulas!). I'm just giving in and feeling itchy. Because some things still itch, I'm not sure if the other stuff itches less, or even not at all. You know how that happens? The sensation simply swamps your receptors and there's no way to differentiate incoming signals.
Which, unexpectedly, leads me more or less to tonight's topic: dreams and PTSD.
When I dream, my PTSD hallucinations are real. So the bug-shapes I see out of the corner of my eye in real life are large black bugs that jump at me or pursue me or go where I cannot see them in my dreams. The pet-sized shadows I see are actual dogs and cats and who knows what in my dreams. And sometimes there are people, too. As you can see, my PTSD shapes are generally not beneficial in my dreams.
Except this morning. In my dream, I was getting into my car and struggling through black webs and spiders and tree roaches and just webby kinds of barriers. When I got into the driver's seat I jumped and brought my foot up to see what was on it and it was a skinny black lizard. It wasn't scary and I wanted to catch it, or at least leave it in the car to eat the pests.
So, Julie, Dream Interpreter Extraordinaire, tell me what the heck this means?
(Does this sooth your OCD cravings for my blog posts?)
Yes, thank you I feel better now.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'd really be interested in what others have to say about this dream, but that won't stop me from flinging my channeled impressions out here.
Struggling to get into your car... this is your subconscious being frightened about movement and going forward (good job doing it anyway). Then when you made it through the murkiness the lizard jumped out, or made itself known... a black lizard, still a shadowy creature but a helpful one. Something that could aid in getting rid of the bugs. It feels as though you are winning the battle over fear, and you are being sent little pest control agents so you don't have to do all the dirty work yourself, although ALL parts of this are you.
Like how you got SOME of your tasks accomplished during the day, SOME of your frightened mind is pushing ahead and helping the rest out of the darkness in the night.
Julie
I'm utterly useless at dream interpretation. Julie's sounds good! My dreams are just ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteGood job with your accomplishing! I'm excited about your trip!
By the way, I was searching around for info on types of therapy for Le Husband, and found one guy who studies/does trauma therapy/PTSD. He thinks that just trauma therapy can be a bit much, sort of traumatic in and of itself; because the person is usually also struggling with day to day tasks of living. (!!) So where he and his people do therapy, they start with some life support, and then kick in the trauma therapy. Anyway... could be crap, or could be interesting. Since I can't go to his center, I ordered his book, even though it's for professionals.
http://www.cps.nova.edu/~gold/index.htm
I'd have to agree with Julie's excellent interpretation. I would also say that the lizard struck me as your 'fight or flight' instincts. Lizard = reptilian brain. So the fact that not only weren't you frightened of this deep instinctual part of yourself, you could acknowledge it and seek to 'capture' it and utilize it for your own betterment (removal of fears).
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you are feeling well and productive!
@London Mabel - Please let us know how that therapy/book goes. I'm very interested in it. It sound really helpful.