Inattentiveness

It's almost July. It's 2011. I'm missing large portions of the last year. I could point to what's caused that, except that I've experienced this before off and on. While the latest missing time has at its root the events and grief of the last year, it ends up coming from not paying attention, from not being present. 

This past year, I didn't want to be present for many things and so found ways to occupy my mind and my time in a wasteful way (I won't tell you how many of the LOL cats I've seen on icanhascheezburger.com.), all for very good reasons, but I haven't always had good reasons. I have left my attentiveness behind because I was sad or stressed or anxious or tired or lonely. So I end up missing large chunks of my life.

And now we are halfway through 2011, almost exactly a year ago that I had to go be with my mom. Various people said "oh, you are getting such good karma, next year will be spectacular for you," and other similar things. Well... I haven't seen it so far. But then, I've still got my sadness goggles on and may have missed the spectacular. I hope it comes back.

Paying attention makes time seem to move more slowly, because you are experiencing nearly all of it. When you are putting your attention into mindlessly surfing the Web or watching hours and hours of TV or doing anything that allows your mind to kind of fuzz out, time flies. When you are in a rut and don't look up, time flies. When you are trying very hard to ignore your life, for whatever reason, then time flies and weeks, months, maybe years can go by when you aren't paying attention.

Do you want more time in your life? Practice mindfulness. Be in the present. Pay attention to right now. The more of that you do, the more time you have to be in.

Once I get my sadness goggles off, I'll join you.