How did the day get so good?

The past several days were saturated with gradually worsening feelings — mental and physical. Sometimes living isn't better through chemicals; it's worse. 

The pharmacist let me off the hook for my latest medication ("It's okay to quite that one cold, so go ahead") and I finally spoke with my psychiatrist at the end of the day today. She didn't think that anything I was on should cause my symptoms. Or that maybe something I'd been on for awhile, or maybe that medication I'd gone off of over two weeks ago .... 

Me: Yes, but I'm feeling better since going off the Abilify.

Her: Well, that's a good thing, but I don't think ....

Me: I feel better. We can talk when we meet again in a couple of weeks.

What I don't understand is why medical professionals get so bent out of shape when a person falls outside of the box, or in this case, outside of the bell curve. It happens to me all the time. I've had diseases I shouldn't have had (because only adults get pittiriasis and I was a child) or couldn't have had (because no one else had had scarlet fever, except my brother two months earlier, and we didn't know how he got it either). I've had symptoms that made doctors uneasy enough to give me expensive tests and angry enough to hand me to another doctor and wash their hands of me. Occasionally I've been fortunate enough to have a doctor who considered me, rather than the literature, as being the expert on my responses and needs. And who were interested in my odd reactions and symptoms rather than frustrated. Those are the doctors I keep and are unhappy to leave if I move.

I think I may have problems with my current psych. She's obviously an in-the-bell-curve doctor. I am a not-in-the-bell-curve person. 

Today I am feeling quite good on all fronts. I am also quite wary — as we've seen, my base response to good things is to wonder when the hammer is coming down to smash it (or me). 

I didn't need a nap. I got excited about a project. I had dinner with a good friend. I didn't feel like throwing up and I didn't feel on-edge. 

I still gave in and bought treats on the way back from dinner. And I still gave in and ate several of them. However, I didn't eat them all and I even put one of the small ice creams (the last of four, I admit) back in the freezer for tomorrow. That's pretty good for me.

Chaos is still making its home in my apartment, and I think it is having little chaos-demon babies in the tub and bathroom sink. When I conquer the clutter-chaos, I will hire a chaos-demon-slayer (aka house cleaner) for a nice deep slaying. Then I can start from the beginning, base level once more, yet without having the specter of unopened boxes coming into my home.

I need to feel this good, and I need to become organized. I have some new challenges coming before me and I need all the self-actualization I can scratch together.